how things have changed since the babe

I remember when I bought my first car. My Dad gave me a head's up, words of advice, and a warning when he said, "You realize if you buy this car, your bills will never stop right? You will always have some sort of payment to make every month from now on. You'll never be done." .. and he was right! Car payment, car insurance, gas, car washes, oil changes, and maintenance. Just like those words of advice from my Dad, a customer at the bank told me when I first found out I was expecting a wee babe.. "You realize that the worrying will never stop now, right? You will always be thinking of your child in the back of your mind. Everyday. From here on out." Well ok then! I'm doomed to worry. Got it. I'll soon see how true that is.

Since the babe has been growing inside of me I have experienced so many thrills of pregnancy and changes to life as I had previously known it. After I got through the first 3 months of all-day-long sickness, the rest of my pregnancy has been so pleasant! I remember the first kicks and flutters and twists that I felt. I was sitting on the couch in our apartment with Tom. We were watching "Bones" I think..? and suddenly it felt like there was popcorn popping inside my stomach. That popcorn popping feeling grew to actual kicks that I could pinpoint where he was at. The first time Tom felt the baby move was during a Fresno State football game we were watching from our laptop in our apartment. I felt these really soft (what I thought were) kicks and grabbed Tom's hand so he could finally feel our little babe. I figured they couldn't be kicks because they were too rhythmic so I then called them hick-ups.

Now as I am 33 weeks pregnant his once tender kicks now sometimes take my breath away. He can kick so hard sometimes I wonder what the world what exactly he thinks he's doing in there! My rib cage is not a bounce-house, my love, and my bladder is not a ball for kicking! I'm not sure what exactly he's doing in there but I can imagine him spreading his arms out in each direction and just pushing really fast against my sides- and then he stops. And then he does it again bam-bam-bam-bam-bam... and then he stops.. It makes me laugh so hard. I used to be completely content to sleep through the night, full bladder and all.. Now, if I only get up twice I consider it a successful night's sleep. I don't stick out very far in front for being 8-almost 9 months pregnant, and my doctor lady said that I'm carrying him in my back a lot, which I can attest to! My back goes numb every few days.. and it makes getting comfortable a really hard thing to do. My right foot swells so much more than my left. The first day I had swollen feet was Thanksgiving morning. I thought it was a lot of fun that day. Now, not so much. I used to prefer chicken over steak of any kind, any day. Now chicken makes me gag and I crave a good steak. Taco Bell is my current food obsession. So bad, I know!! Tacos, quesedillas, burritos, tostadas, all with some nacho cheese. Delish. I used to be able to give myself a mini pedicure but with what feels like a basketball inside my tummy I can't reach down to my toes long enough to make any kind of progress. Putting on socks and shoes is a bit more difficult and Tom has become my official socks and shoes remover after work. Bless his heart.

Tom has been so extremely patient with me during this pregnancy. He humors me when I'm being (only slightly, of course) ridiculous. He doesn't complain when I don't feel like doing much after work besides relaxing. He makes me laugh when I would otherwise want to cry over the changes that are happening to my growing body and weakening bladder and tear ducts. I have cried over watching flash mobs on youtube and free valet parking at the hospital. He talks to the baby and anxiously feels for the babe to kick back to his nudges. He still tries to hear the heartbeat on the stethoscope, still to no avail. His life is changing as much as mine and I hope I am being patient enough with him. He has been mentioning that his eye has been twitching for the last month or so now.. and I wonder if it's because subconsciously he is stressing out but doesn't let himself worry out loud about it. I know my Heavenly Father has helped me to find someone that could love me through my worst days and cheer me on during my best. How blessed I am to have someone so perfect for me by my side, not just for time, but for eternity.

catch up!

Heads up! Longest Post Ever. I could have separated it into a few segments, but I got to writing and didn't stop for an hour later.. so here we go!!

So I have been really good at being terrible with this entire blogging adventure I started over a year ago. I have to admit it.. I'm way disappointed I didn't keep it up. How am I ever going to remember all the little "specials" that happened in our little lives? I won't.. and that's the sad story part. So instead of putting it off any longer, here I am! I'm going to try to blog again. I figure I'll just start with the neat things I can remember that I don't want to every chance forgetting.

May 2010: Timmy graduated High School on Tom's birthday! We celebrated Tom's birthday the night before because I knew that it might be a little awkward to have a cake and candles at the OHS stadium. ha. I got him an electric shaver that he had been oogling over for a few months. He was so cute - always telling me the pros about this specific shaver over another, why this specific one was such a good buy .. he even went as far as to find a good deal on amazon for me! My bonus check at work came through just in time that I was able to buy it for him a few months in advance so he wouldn't be looking for it on our monthly statements. haha.. I had it sent to work and wrapped it there and kept it in my safe for over a month! So funny. We went to dinner and then when I gave him the box, I'm pretty sure he already knew what it was, but I was so excited to give it to him I cried when he opened it! He was so excited and I think a little surprised I had actually gotten it.. and oh so happy about it. And I, being blessed with the never-shy tears of the Valk Family, I just cried. haha. It was a little weird.



June 2010: The month of our Tender Mercies! Something that I think I have always known, but am grateful to be reminded of once in a while, is that the Lord loves us. Truly just loves us because we are His. He would have no reason for existing were it not for us; His children. So here was our reminder.. Tom and I were living in an apartment complex that wasn't anything special and the rent was just at the top of our price range, so some months it was a little hard to pull that money together. It had the basic's (kitchen and appliances, and four walls to each other room.. except our bedroom only had three now that I think of it) and that was about it. (it did have a shower that had an endless supply of hot water, so that was beautiful) It was lacking in closet space and lighting and it would have been marvelous and even worth the price had it also come with a washer/dryer or at least hookups-- but it didn't. To top it off, it was in party-central across from the Bulldog Stadium so we always had party music blaring by a neighbor or two - and we even called the cops on our next door neighbors one night. Twice in one night that is. Not to mention, directly kitty-corner from frat-house row.. lovely. Needless to say, we were ready to move out. We were apartment hunting, and had it narrowed down to two different complex's.

We have some friends that suggested we go check out their apartment. The day we stopped by they were running a special on a newly remodeled apartment available to be moved into ASAP. It is a little smaller than our first apartment, but it was remodled, felt more like a home than an apartment, further from campus partiers, but close enough that Tom could still ride his bike to class. Not only that, but we are saving $180.00 in rent EVERY MONTH. Hi, that's a lot of money for our one income household. The only issue we had is, in order to get that deal we HAD to move in by June 1st. Our contract at our first place didn't end until July 31. We decided the pros outweighed the cons and we had to move to the new, cheaper apartment. We pulled all of our pennies together and put down a deposit and first month's rent for our new place. This was a huge leap of faith for us because this would mean we had no extra or buffer money for emergencies. Through our Heavenly Father's tender mercy we were able to get out of our contract at our first apartment complex (which they had previously completely refused to do because we had a contract thru July 31.) AND get our entire deposit back too - without any early termination or cancellation fees. There was a scary two week period in there where we thought we were going to have to pay June and July rents on two different complex's, one of which we didn't even have keys to anymore.. So not only do we save 180/month but we got $1200 back into our bank account from our first complex. A-MAZE-ING seriously, amazing.


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November 2010: Fall time is my very favorite time of year. I love the smells, the weather, the holidays, the everything. Oh, ps, and it's my birthday month. I was fortunate enough to pick the week of Thanksgiving for my PTO at work. Awesome!! BUT! What made it even more spectacular was that Jenn and Sipa were able to be sealed for time and all eternity to each other and their three beautiful children. It was such a special moment and I am so thankful that I was able to be apart of it. What a long road they had to travel to get to that point. The love and the spirit in the sealing room was so poignant. How blessed we are that we can have that reassurance that Families can indeed be together forever. This is a truth for the world; that everyone can be blessed with, and yet so few know or believe that it's possible. What is sealed on earth is sealed in heaven. This is our Heavenly Father's plan for us. I'm so so grateful for my chance I have, if I live worthy of this blessing, to be with Tom and our families for eternity.


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February 2011: Tom has been the Student Athletic Trainer for the Fresno State Swimming and Diving team since August.. (when school started) and as part of that assignment he had the opportunity to travel with the team, sometimes taking him away for a few nights at a time. In February one of my dearest friends Jaimie (who has been a nanny in Connecticut for three years now I think?) called and asked me if I would come visit her for 4-5 days!! I thought it was a far our dream because I'd need to get time off of work and money and I really just didn't see how it would work out. BUT it did!! And I didn't even have to feel bad about leaving Tom behind because he had a week long WAC championship meet in San Antonio, Texas. So on a plane I went! Shannon also joined us for our friendly get away to the East and it was so much fun. Really, I love these girls so much.

We flew into the JFK Airport, and (stupid) silly me, NYC in February? Nah, I won't need a coat.. It's 80 degrees in Fresno.. Um hello East Coast COLD! Jaimie let me borrow a coat to keep the chill off. Dummy Dummy I am!! For some really dumb reason I was so convinced that we were going to be attacked in the night by a murderer in the Connecticut hills.. and I could not sleep for two nights that we were there for. I mean seriously?? The house she is a nanny at was built in 1736. It's part of the Historical Society. It was really neat.. but not kidding you.. creepy when it's night time and the girls your in a bed with are sleeping soundly.. and I hear every creak and shudder that this old house sings. bah! It seriously was the worst two nights of my life. So the first morning we went and stood out in the Regis and Kelly line for two hours .. I think we got there at 5? And we didn't even get in. What jerks! We got to go inside and thaw our our bones in the Manhattan Temple. We walked across all of downtown New York I think. We walked to the WW2 Memorials, (also were you can see the Statue of Liberty from) Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, to a delish and totally legit New York Pizza eatery. I then hailed a taxi all by myself!! It was kind of amazing! They really deserve awards for how they drive. It isn't something that they taught in the driving school I went to! We walked through a riot, which I agreed with what little I heard... we walked around and around. It was really fun. We ate the most delicious bagels I have ever had in Grand Central Station.. and I know I'm forgetting so many things, but the trip was amazing. So fun. and amazing.


April 2011: So Kevin came home from his mission in April. It was a fabulous and oh so sweet reunion. To say that our hearts were full of joy and happiness is quite the understatement. I'm pretty sure the month building up to that plane flying into the Modesto Airport, my family talked about it's arrival. Everyday. No joke, every single day. It's hard to describe the anticipation you feel as you wait; knowing that the two years is over and it's now down to a matter of hours. I know I personally wanted to just yell every time I thought about it. Then as his plane circled above, landed and we watched the door open and waited.. then there he was! He had lost quite a bit of weight because of the health problems he struggled with, so that was shocking to see first hand, but it was still just so beautiful! He hugged everyone, cried a bit, and what a warm welcome it was. It was just so.much.fun. He got to meet Jacen and Tom; the brothers in laws he never knew before hand. (so weird!) What a blessing his service was to our family. Thank you Kevin for your willingness and eagerness to serve.

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In May I was in a wedding for a dear friend of mine. It was a lot of fun, except I have a curse of white legs that I hate. Whatever. But the morning of the wedding I had a really neat/scary experience. I was soundly sleeping (with the aide of an Advil PM, which I never take because I hate taking pills.. but my back was killing me, and I knew the wedding day was going to be long and eventful so I really wanted some sleep) and I woke up with a start. Like someone called my name out loud. I lay there in bed wondering what in the world woke me up when I hear/feel it again. "Get up." I heard the command as real as if someone had actually said it to me, but I more felt it.. it's hard to explain. I rolled over settling into my covers again when it came again. "Get up now." So I didn't think much more about it, I just got up. I turned on the light and opened the door to the "Tinkerbell Room" that I was sleeping in and saw Drew (my sister's almost one year old at the time) sitting on the landing with his back towards the stairs. My heart was already beating fast from the way I woke up, but when I saw him there.. almost as if he was still sleeping my heart stopped and I walked to go pick him up and he was like jello in my arms. I seriously think he sleep-crawled from the room he was in to go to my sisters room and just stopped where he was. I opened the door to Jenn and Sipa's room and gave Drew to them and went back to my room and just laid there while my heart calmed down. I was very humbled by the fact that I had been warned (why me and not anyone else? I don't know) and I responded to the Spirit. I told Jenn what happened the next morning and she couldn't believe it either. Strange.

Tom graduated from the Fresno State Athletic Training Program! It was a bittersweet moment for him. He has spent countless hours working with the athletes of Fresno State side by side with the other students in his program. It was good to say goodbye to the time demand that it required, but it was hard to say goodbye to the friends and colleges he has made during his time there.


Also in May, Tom and I went to Pismo Beach to celebrate his Birthday! It was a lot of fun. We walked on the beach at night and went to their pier in the morning. It was a beautiful cold morning. It was such a long drive for the one night we were there though. To do it again, I would be there longer. We stayed in the stupid timeshare resort I bought in college. That's all I have to say about that. (haha)

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Saturday June 4, 2011: The day we found out the plot to our already really good book was thickening. So Friday when I got home from work I wasn't feeling too good, tried to eat a salad, got really really sick afterwards, showered and went to bed. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was sleepy and my tummy felt like I was on a boat. Terrible. The next morning, which was Saturday, Tom suggested that I take a pregnancy test - just to cross it off the list of why I wasn't feeling good. We both thought that it wasn't possible, and that it was probably just my hormones evening out after going off of birth control last month. (I was planning on getting into shape and working on 'me' projects and then we were going to start trying in November/December) But holy.smokes. I took the test, (and I had even taken one the week before, again, just to cross it off the list) and it had two little pink lines on it. (aka, time to go to the doctor, girlfriend!) I just stared at it and put my hand to my mouth- totally unable to speak. Tom just stood there and all he said was "not-uh." and I just nodded my head and started laughing as he looked at the little two pink lines and said "what does that mean!!" We both got a little emotional and I personally had a really hard time breathing for a few minutes, but there it was! The reason why I had been feeling so sick lately. Again, so humbled as I thought of the fact that there was a little tiny "us" working so hard on growing and becoming something. Talk about eye-opening. It was a beautiful morning. I went to work and had a hard time trying to act normal. I didn't want to bend over or lift even a bottle of water to risk squishing our new little babe. (haha, I was so paranoid in the beginning) Tom went to the store and bought prenatal vitamins and they became my worst nightmare for the first few months.


Kevin and Kayleen got married August 3rd. It was such a fun day for all of us! They are so in love and so sweet with each other. I don't have any pictures of their wedding day yet so I'll have to come back through and add some later on. We all love Kayleen so much. She has been so much apart of our family for a few years now, even while Kevin was in Montana. I'll add more to this when I have a picture or two.


I have heard of morning sickness, but for all of June, July and half of August I was so sick to my stomach. I got to the point where I would grade my days on the times I threw up. Nasty. Won't go into this. But it was not pleasant. Nope, not uh.


We are due February 4th, 2011. We are so excited. Still a little bit nervous to see how it will all play out. We find out if we are Blue or Pink on September 8th.

not just for time

On January 8, 2010 I married my best friend. It has been a series of happy events that brings me to this blog. It has almost been a few months ago that Tom and I were sealed through the holy power of the priesthood to be together - not just for time, but for forever. I could never have prepared myself for the happiness that marriage brings. There are so many things about Tom that I love. There are things about myself that I have learned that I love because he has brought them out in me.
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I woke up that Friday morning at 4 AM. It was a super early, early time to wake up, but the last thing I wanted was to hit commute traffic and get stuck on the freeway, unable to get to the temple, so I wanted to give myself lots of extra time. I drove through the dark empty streets in Oakdale to get my hair done by Kim. I showed her a picture and she set to work. She did a beautiful job and almost two hours later I was headed home just as the sun was starting to peak over the mountains. I wasn't nervous at all for what was waiting for me later that day, but I was nervous about running out of time and forgetting to enjoy the day for the beautiful one it was.
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I got home and everyone was up and about all in various stages of getting ready. I don't remember what I ate that morning for breakfast, or if I even ate.. I just can't remember. We left my house at 7 AM and headed to the Oakland Temple. I think I prayed the whole time there that traffic would be good. That we wouldn't get a ticket for speeding. That we wouldn't blow a tire. .. and as time passed, that my dad wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel. He takes lots of medicine and one of them makes him drowsy. I wasn't that worried about it until I kept hearing my mom ask him if he was going to be okay and make it alright and he said 'I hope so.' HA! Way to make me feel super about that drive!! You can bet all the other worries about tickets and traffic went away, and instead I was praying for us to get there awake and in one piece.
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We were supposed to be there at 9 AM and we got there at 8:30. I was COMPLETELY fine with getting there early. As long as I was there, it was all good. We drove up the temple parking lot and parked. I turned and looked through the parking lot and saw Tom walking towards our car. My heart flip flopped and suddenly it hit me. We were getting married. For real. Today. I was filled with so much excitement. I can remember it felt like bubbles were in my tummy and my throat. It was a good feeling. We hugged and talked for a little while, then decided to get the show on the road and go inside the temple to get ready.
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Mom went with me to the Bride's Room. Ho-ly. Smokes. The Bride's Room is simply magnificent and breathtaking. They did not leave out any details with that beautiful room. It has crystal chandeliers, crystal knobs on the doors and drawers, gold details along the mirrors and the walls covered with this completely womanly flowery wall paper. It just fits. There is crown molding around the entire room and I can tell you I have never been in any room that makes you feel more girly and more excited to put make up on and look beautiful. It was so perfect in there. Getting married on a Friday I was lucky enough to be the only bride in there so I was able to lay my stuff all over the room. Nice and neatly of course. Mom helped me get dressed and then I went up to the Celestial Room while I assume everyone else was arriving and getting situated in the Sealing Room.

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I can remember walking into the Celestial Room, seeing Tom, who was the only other person in the room, and knowing that this was right. The feeling wasn't accompanied with lightening or thunder, and if there was anyone else in the room, I doubt they would have noticed anything different about me from one minute to the next, but I just knew that this was right, it was good, and this truly is the end of time and the beginning of forever. I got a huge wave of chills even to the roots of my hair. I felt tingly and happy. Tom and I sat on the couch together and talked about the details of the room and talked about forever. As we sat there holding hands in the Celestial Room of the temple, I felt then something that I had never felt before. I can't come up with a word for it, but simply put: i felt so much love, and so loved. About five minutes later a temple matron came and got us and told us it was just about time.
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We walked up a couple of flights of stairs and met with Brother Mortenson, our sealer. He gave us a couple words of advice and told us to think of the Savior while we were getting sealed, for it was only because of Him that we have this chance and opportunity to be with our loved ones forever. He led us into the Sealing Room, and I was hit with such an amazing, overwhelming feeling of happiness and the Spirit and absolute amazement. I saw the people I love most in this world (minus Kev and Timmy and the babes I call Mason, Kady, Grant, Kenz, and Tyler, and some of Tom's family that were unable to be with us in the temple--) To be literally surrounded by the people who you love, and love you, to be in the Temple of God, to know you are there worthy and ready to make a promise to someone forever and ever and ever.. It was just so stinkin cool.
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From where I was, I could see my Grandma Valk's face right over Tom's shoulder. At one point I looked at her, we made eye contact, she winked and mouthed, "I Love You". As long as I live I will never forget that moment. I think the reason why that struck me so hard is because I can remember standing with my Grandma on their lawn behind the swimming pool, and she was watering the lawn back there - and I don't know what we were talking about before or what we talked about after - but I DO remember asking her if she was going to be alive when I got married. I can still remember she was wearing a white blouse with light blue and pink stripes up and down it, and she looked at me and said, "Well of course I am !" I've never forgotten that for whatever reason, and so to see her looking over Tom's shoulder at me as I made that most important decision was just so special. Holding hands with Tom, being able to see all the faces of my family around, and knowing that this promise we were making is not just for time, it really was the happiest day of my life.
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After the ceremony it was hard for me to realize that there had been a change! That that boy I call Tom was no longer some boy - he wasn't just my boyfriend or fiance - he was my husband! I felt so excited!!! We went and got changed and then headed out of the temple to take pictures. Since mom was my photographer I didn't feel pressured or tense about getting our pictures taken. Also, because it was January and the threat of rain is always looming, we went up the Tuesday before when Cort and I received our endowments and took pre-wedding pictures. It was a very good thing we did too because sure enough, almost as soon as we got everyone standing in front of the temple for the big family and friend shot, it started to rain bit fat drops! Surprisingly, I didn't care! Nothing could have ruined my day. I was so happy. I was so excited. Bring on the rain, they say it's good luck anyway, right??

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I don't remember how long we took pictures for that afternoon, maybe an hour? But we were pressed for time because of the rain and I don't know if anyone besides me wanted to be out in the rain. We got a lot of really happy cute shots and that's all I needed. Thanks mom!!

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What would I rate this day? Better than two thumbs up. Six out of five stars. Better than my dreams and "wish I could do that all over again" good.
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just once for me.

On Tuesday, January 5, before the wedding I went through the temple for the first time. All I can say is whoa and wow. I was given a couple of tidbits of advice: Don't try and remember everything. Focus on the spirit. Don't be nervous, everything that is taught is from the scriptures. It's really nothing new at all; you've been taught this all of your life. And you know what? Really pay attention because you get to go through just once for you. Just once for me. One time and every other time is about someone else. I thought that would be a little bit nerve racking!! But it wasn't.. it sounds trite to say, but it really was perfect. Everything they said was true! I'm sad that as time passes my memories of that day are becoming dim but the feelings I had and the spirit I felt while inside those temple walls still burn strong within. I thought the entire thing was so amazing. It was eye opening and humbling and exciting and oh so overwhelming. I loved it.

One moment of that whole day that I know I will never forget is how it felt to hold Tom's hand as he walked me around the corner into the Celestial Room. All I could make out at first was how bright it was. White and yellow everywhere, and then I found faces I recognized in what felt like a sea of new and unfamiliarness... Dad. Mom. Cort. Jenn and Sipa. Kelly and Talmage. Carla. Gayle and Mike, Amy, and Christy. Tom's family and others in my family. It was so special it took my breath away and I felt so much happiness and strength. I think I finally know what it means to say "my heart was full". I went to my Dad and I hugged him and couldn't help but cry. How special and peaceful that place was. Heaven on earth is what it is referred to, and now after being there myself, I completely understand why. If Heaven is anything like the Celestial Room in the temple, I don't know what in the world I would let stand in my way of being there. It was perfect.

There is so much to learn and I love the chance that Tom and I now have to go to the Fresno Temple so close to home.

goodbyes and changes.

"We'll Miss You Brittany!!"

Well let's be honest, who wouldn't?? haha, jk. This is the cake that my friends at work brought me for my last day at Wells Fargo. It was delicious by the way. Thanks guys!!!

i really hate goodbyes. there is nothing about them that attracts me. i don't like change and i don't like moving on. i love getting to know people, growing together, laughing and learning about the people i'm around. i really do love it. i am really starting to see a pattern that i'm not sure i love - or even like.

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high school - loved my friends and had so fun. i'll never say i was popular, but i did have my group of friends that i was with every single day. i am "mustang born, mustang bred, gonna be a mustang 'til the day i'm dead". i loved oakdale high school and wouldn't have wished to go to any other high school in the world. i graduated, had to say goodbye to my family and friends, moved to idaho. hated it for months. and was so sad for a long time.

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college - i loved my roommates and friends. i still missed home, but was still having a blast. here's how it went for me... meet new roommates. awkward. love roommates. semester ends. say goodbye. sad. new semester. meet new roommates. awkward. love roommates. semester ends. sad. a couple job changes in there, some roommates never changing and loving them still years later. semester ends. say goodbye to BYU-I. sad. sad. sad. i loved rexburg. it was bitter cold a lot of the time, but it was a good place for me to "grow up."

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work - my first after graduation job. Wells Fargo Bank and i l-o-v-e it. the people i worked along side with for a year and three months became some of my really close friends. i spent more waking hours with them then i did with my own family. and this is what my blog is mostly centered on today. i have applied at wells fargo's down in fresno and am waiting to hear if i got a job or not.. but i feel really hopeful. here are only a few pictures of the people i worked with at the oakdale branch. people who i will never forget. i didn't bring my camera in soon enough to get pictures with all of them, but the ones i did get, enjoy your moments of fame on my blog. (wink)

this is ashley. she and i actually met in 7th grade. she and i weren't ever really super close friends, but we were friends. when i came to work at Wells, she already had two years up on me!! She was my instant friend at work teaching me the ropes of being a teller. thank you girl.

this is my girl jaimie!!! i was super super afraid of her when i first started. i thought she was so snobby, mean, and scary. i was seriously terrified to "shadow" her to learn how to work the system. after a few months i realized how FUNNY this girl is. she is so sassy and really doesn't give a care what anyone thinks about her. she made me laugh harder than almost anyone in my whole life. she has the funniest and craziest stories. tammi would rarely let us sit next to each other cause we would just talk and talk. we had the best chats. she was my closest friend at work and i felt like i could tell her ANYTHING!!

well, this is alison. this is the girl that has to try and fill the gap i'm leaving when i transfer down to fresno. :( my manager tammi hired her when she knew that i would be leaving so that i could train my replacement. what a sad day. i thought i would maybe hate her for filling the gap i would leave here but she is such a funny loud girl. i love her. i really enjoyed training her and getting to know her. she's a crazy one, but she's awesome.

and this is my girl lisa!! she is "ghetto fabulous" as she claims. this is a bad picture of us both, but it is the only one i have. she is SO FUNNY. she is constantly dancing, singing, and talking all gangsta to everybodys. she has these hand motions with everything she says. she has this ghetto talk accent and i love it. haha oh man lisa there is just nobody like you!! bon qui qui doesn't stand a chance next to you. haha

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everything in my life is changing. i am getting MARRIED. i'm moving to a new city, new apartment, new job, and new location. i won't know any neighbors, where the grocery store is, where my work is, or anybody at church. my family and nearest friends will be an hour and forty five minutes away. it is a scary time in my life and i feel like i am constantly stressing over all of this. tom is the only rock solid in my life as i take on a whole new change. i'm thankful that he is there to support me as i'm getting so nervous. the only thing i'm NOT nervous about is getting married. i'm totally down and ready to do that!! i love tom so much and can not wait to be his eternal companion!! now if only i could feel that good about all the other changes taking place.

moving to fresno

Oh my world!! It has been forever since I posted a blog!! Let me express my apologies to my most devote readers (aka Tom) that have been urging me to write another post; for it has indeed been an awfully long time. hahaha I love you Tom, and here you go - finally a post to read. I hope it's up to your expectations after not having a post for so long!! In a nutshell I am so happy. I am slowly making my way towards forever-ness. There are days where I am so stressed and not knowing how I will ever make it to January, there are days where I am moody from just thinking about all of the plans that still need to be finalized. .. and then there are days like today, where I feel so blessed to have so much done.

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I really have had so much help with the wedding plans and preparation, I can't even begin to think about it. How grateful I am to my sisters who have planned a bridal shower, where I was showered with SO MANY awesome kitchen gizmos and gadgets that Tom and I will definitely benefit from. How unspeakably thankful I am to my mom who has made so many phone calls and almost exhausted her resources with her co-wedding vendors to help Tom and I out for our big day. There is so much that still needs to be done, but today I am remembering my dear mother and sisters.

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Wedding plans are coming along and things are really starting to fall into place, feel a little bit more finalized, and take shape. Life has been a roller coaster ride these last couple of months but it has sure been fun! Currently I'm taking a break from typing out wedding invitation labels. What a time consuming job that is! Not only do names have to be spelled correct, but I was realizing that there really is no room for error when typing addresses!! If I type one number wrong then there are three problems immediately. #1 someone is going to be very confused when they get a wedding announcement from me; someone they may not know. #2 someone that i do know may be sad when they think I forgot to announce to them that I am indeed getting married to my bestest friend Tom. and #3 I will be sad when they don't show their faces to me on that very special day. SO!! I am having to be so careful as I type all of these lovely little addresses.

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Tom has moved into what will soon be our own little love nest!! It was a hassle indeed, and I'm sure from now on I will handle all apartment office visits/maintenance requests. Our apartment was indeed in need of help when he first moved in. The caulking of our shower was gone which made it painfully easy for water - lots of water - to slip to the bathroom floor, almost unnoticed until you stepped into a pool of water after being done with your shower. The shower door frame is covered with mold, and we have two shower doors - which is lovely - but they are two of the same doors - so they do not slide very well, and there is a towel rack on the inside of the shower door right where the water head is, and also on the outside of the shower where I believe it belongs. The bathroom door was splitting into three separate parts and has a huge crack in it where I think that the previous tenant punched it maybe .. or knee'd it when he was going to the bathroom?? I just don't know. The front door has had three previous dead bolt locks drilled and covered with metal plates up and down the door. The front door is also splitting into three different sections and the door handle doesn't completely latch into the door frame. lovely. And if it does latch completely into the door frame then a strong cute guy I like has to force it open to get through it. Underneath our kitchen sink the previous tenants removed a pipe, which made it so easy for water to pour onto the cabinet underneath that sink. There are dots forming, which look crazy similar to mold in our kitchen utensil drawer; these dots look like they are seeping through the newly applied white paint. We believe it to be mold, but it could be a close cousin. All of these things have now, or are in the process of being updated, fixed, and some of them are completely better. The shower, thanks to Tom. The little maintenance man just couldn't quite seal it, but thanks to my handy dandy almost husband, he was able to caulk, re-caulk, and caulk again until that shower no longer gave up the ghost. I mean water. This is our home-sweet-home, our soon to be safe haven from the world! Despite all of the things about this first apartment that are a little bit on the icky side, I love our home. We are starting to move things in, and hang calenders, clocks, and pictures on the wall. I can not wait to completely make our apartment our home.

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My little brother Timmy has become quite the football star and it is so much fun to watch him play Oakdale Football. I feel so much pride (the good kind) when I watch him play and I hear the crowd yell out his name. I love how regardless of the amount of touchdowns, yards, or first downs he gets, or the amount of newspaper and TV interviews, fans and friends that pat his back, shake his hand, or congratulate him after a game, he still always looks for my mom, dad, and siblings to give us a hug. Timmy is such a fun guy and I love him tons. There is nothing I love more than being with the people I love most, and here's a picture of most of us after the BEAUTIFUL win over Sonora (our long and undying rival) Jenn and her family were in Utah and Kevin is obviously in Montana serving our Father in Heaven, and Kell and Talmage's kids weren't up to the long drive and cold, cooooold night up in the foothills.

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I love my life. I love what is has challenged me with so far, and how I am continually growing from the life lessons it offers.

update on the weddin plannin

what's on today's blog menu? stressin with a side of stress! i can remember a couple specific details about my summer semester 2007. i was an RA this semester at lamprecht hall. i was able to work (aka play) with three of my dearest friends: jenn, lindsaywitt, and brandi jo. most of the memories i hold of that semester are happy times (we'll skip the long gray spot in there from drama, drama, and more drama because that's not the reason for this blog!!) however, for some reason there has been a memory of mine that i had long since forgotten about - that has since reappeared!

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i can remember sitting in the lamprecht hall office with my head resident jenn. we were talking about extremely important things i'm sure. things like diet pepsi tasting better than diet coke, the annoying maker-outer couples, and the obnoxious heat. however, those are not the memories i'm recalling with perfect clarity. i am remembering when my dear friend brandi jo came walking heavily into the office, backpack on, hair done, and ready for class looking stressed and to her patience end. i remember jenn and i turning to look at her as she said, "somebody told me that if you can get through the engagement and wedding planning, you and your fiance can get through anything. is this true??" honestly, i wondered what the big deal was! i wondered what in the heck can be that hard about plannin a party? the most important part of planning is done right? temple preparedness and appointments? i didn't think much more about that statement other than she's got to be a little bit crazy.. and needed a diet pepsi. pronto speed. HOWEVER, here i am two years later remembering her stressed out face and voice as if she just walked into the office a couple of minutes ago.

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i know it is ridiculous for me to complain. everyone has been there or will be there at some point in their lives. tom is being absolutely amazingly and perfectly supportive and as helpful as he can be while living an hour and 40 minutes away. i have been offered help from my amazing mom, sisters, cousins, aunts, future mother in law, sisters in law, and friends. i thank you all for that! it's looking at the reception as a whole that makes my eyes want to roll back and sleep until it's december 17th and my tom is home! things i'm thinking about daily: budget, cake, decorations, color schemes, guest list, tables, set up, take down, lighting, flowers, dress, hair, make up, shoes, veil, his ring, videographer, slide show, engagement pictures, engagement outfits, centerpieces, table clothes, invitations, DJ, food, who will make the food, dessert, candy, candles, life-sized kevin picture, marriage certificate, and transportation. it is a TON to think about - especially while working full time and having to meet sales goals. (which by the way.. brag moment for me.. i am at the top of the teller list at my store for my sales, which translates into i am ranked 22 out of 255 tellers in my region, have only been with the bank for a little bit over a year ... aka, i rock.) so i am a busy little face!!

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most importantly is the temple is already booked for tom and i. we did that first thing! luckily, oh so luckily for me my mama is going to be my photographer. why? because i think she's the best and she thinks shes the best, she'll be free to hire, she'll get the shots i want, and she has to go to the temple anyway so i don't have to bribe her to go. she'll also be taking our engagement pictures and then my bestie 79 melly told me she'd design my invitations so that's freakin rockin too! my dress will be decided on and in my possession by this coming thursday, my cousin christy is doing my cake cause she's m-a-zing, and cortney is picking out the "bridesmaids" dresses. i really am in better shape when i really start writing down all of the things that i don't have to worry about anymore.

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i am determined to enjoy whatever part of life i'm apart of. i have realized that i have a habit of wishing away time. when i was 14 i couldn't wait til i was 16 and could finally drive. once i was 16 i couldn't wait to be graduated high school. once out of high school and into college i couldn't wait til fall semester when i got to come home. once i was home i couldn't wait to go back to school. once back in school i couldn't wait to graduate and have a full time job. now i look back to when i was 14 and wonder what in the world the big rush was all about! the things i thought were so important then -- well honestly i don't even remember what they were! i don't want to look back once tom and i have been married for 10 years and we have babies and work, bills and stress and wish that we were simply engaged and back to planning and dreaming about the rest of our lives. i truly want to enjoy this time that i have to get to know him, to talk wedding and reception plans with him. i am counting down the days until i am his bride, but trying to remember patience and being happy to be his fiance!

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oh, and brandi, sorry for not understanding then. i do now.

my deliciously fabulous weekend

tom came home for the weekend!! yay!! i feel like when he leaves i run all week long on my "love tank" and by the time the weekend comes i'm about running on empty. i see tom, he hugs me so tight and suddenly i feel refueled and ready to take on the world, fight the mafias, and solve all of the world's mysteries. that may be exaggerating a wee bit, but i really feel so energized and so happy!

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tom got to my house around 2 am because he had to work at the fresno vs. uc davis game. once he finally got out of there he got on the road and headed here. once he got here we talked and just simply being in his presence makes me feel so energized!! he got to sleep in our spare room - complete with tinkerbell and the three fairies from sleeping beauty painted on the walls surrounding the bed... haha so funny.

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sunday morning we went to oakdale 1st ward - my homeward - and it was so fun being there with him. i LOVE sitting next to tom in church. singing hymns, whispering our thoughts here and there, holding hands during prayers... oh my heart i love it. he is whoa awesome. after church we came back to my house and took a perfectly delightful sunday nap on the double recliner chair in the family room. we have deemed that chair "ours" because we sit in it everytime he's home. we decided we are going to steal it when we get married so we have a nice chair. don't tell my mom who took it when it goes missing. because it will go missing. and tom and i will love it. sorry mom!

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after our nap we went for a walk over to my grandparents house. i know they love the company and we love talkin with them. i've decided they are so full of simple wisdom. i love how great of an example of love they are. they honestly love each other with every fiber of their beings. they are best friends, buddies, and would do anything for each other. i hope tom and i can pattern our relationship after my grandparents. life will get difficult and challenging, it may not always be easy, but i truly hope we can always turn to each other through good times and bad and come out stronger because of it.

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tom and i went for a walk around the ranch. i showed him at least 15 different locations where my cousins and sisters and i had made "clubs". growing up my cousins and i would let our imaginations grow like weeds. we could take a spiderwebbed, dust covered pile of wood and transform it into an office complete with secret passageways, magical buttons, and a secret hideaway where no one else in the world existed anymore... cow troughs, tire sheds, cattle tracks, storage shops, "junk lane", it didn't even matter - they all were our playground and i cherish those free fun memories.

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that night we got in the hot tub and had such a great talks!! i love how tom and i can talk and talk for hours. we spend all day together, then talk for hours on the phone. that night had a really cool breeze so it was nice to just sit and relax in that hot water. nice? no. deliciously fabulous is a better description for it. it was so relaxing and happy fun. after the hot tub we got changed and then went and stargazed on the trampoline. that is something we have done together since day one. i love that time we have to connect after a long day. so we stargazed for a couple of hours, decided we were tired of swatting away mosquitos and more than a little bit cold so we went inside and went our separate ways and visited dreamland. nice.

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this is our "death glare at the distance between oakdale and fresno" face. i hate that he's so far away!! it's just an awkward distance where we can't visit eachother for the day.. you have to make a trip out of it. however! i am VERY glad that it is only two hours and not more. phewee!! something i learned this weekend: love rocks. it totally does. it makes sad people happy. grumpy people more pleasant. sick people better. it really is the best feeling in the entire universe. thank goodness, i'm not on empty in my love tank anymore. i'm full to the brim. thanks tom! bows!! you the best!!

home

today i'm writing a post.. not because i had an amazing time with tom - cause i didn't.. he's been in fresno all week. i'm not writing because i had a nice relaxing day off from work - cause i worked 6 days this week. i'm also not writing because i feel like sharing anything new - cause there really isn't any new news for me to share!! today i'm writing as a shout out to being home.
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on monday i talked to my dear friend shannon and she told me some sad news. her parents home was consumed by flames in auburn and burnt to the ground. as she told me the few details that she could my heart went out to her and her family. i thought about the pictures and irreplacable belongings that they lost. it thought about their dreams of building that home, the hard work, time, money, and the years it took to make their dream home a reality. i thought about the few times i had been there, and how i mourned the loss of their beautiful home. i simply cannot, nor do i want to, imagine what that must feel like - to lose almost everything i own within a matter of moments.
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after talking to shannon on the phone i started to think about all of the things that i would hope to save if that were to happen to me. my mind went to countless things - it was like a domino effect! i would want my journals and pictures, my "special box" where i keep meaningful notes, letters, and keepsakes. there are countless things that i would want to save and cry over if i didn't. this led me to realize that the most precious things i "own" really are my family, the relationships we have, the love we share, and the memories we keep. it made me realize that even if i don't have my journals or pictures or special box - that though the smells and colors of those memories may fade, the feelings surrounding those special times remain. love is such a beautiful and special thing. it's something that can only be destroyed if we let it.
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i love the chance i have to see my family every single day. to walk over to my grandparents house, walk through their front door and see them sitting in their chairs- always ready and waiting to visit with whomever walks through their door. i love how everyday i walk through that screen door my grandpa calls "friend or foe?" haha. he's so cute!! i love the smell and comfort of being home. i love hearing my mom and dad talking in the next room. i love the sound of breakfast in the morning when i'm not wanting to wake up. and yes i mean sound.. haha dishes are loud when you're sleepy. i love the familiarity of home.
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something i realized while talking to shannon is that "home" isn't just the walls that surround us; it really is where the heart is. that common saying really is true!

the proposal

thursday started out like any other day for me! i got to take my sweet time getting ready for work because i didn't start until 10:45 that day i believe. it was nice to just dilly dally as i got ready for work. tom and i were talking on the phone that morning and i asked him what he had planned to do and he told me his "ho-hum" list.. laundry, errands, and other such things. little did i know that he had much bigger to-do's on his list!!! one being talking to my dad, asking for his blessing in our marriage, and the other ... drum roll... popping the question.

tom had to know that i would say yes. for heaven sakes, we had already registered at target and bed bath and beyond - just because we knew the time we would have together when he would be home from fresno would be limited, and why not do something so fun as to register!!? so anyway, whenever i close at wells fargo tom usually arrives at the bank around 5:59 just to hang out a bit before i'm able to skedaddle out of there. he never showed up!! i called him when i was on my way home and he said that he got caught running errands and he would be a little late getting to my house, but he would try to be there at 6:30. little did i know that he had to drive to stockton to my dad's work to talk to him! my dad usually leaves my house for work at 4:15 pm. he works from 5pm - 5am. tom had picked up the ring earlier that morning and was bound and determined to propose that night! when tom got to my house at 3:30 my mom told him that my dad had a meeting and had left about 10 minutes before. not knowing how else to ask my dad, he drove up to stockton to talk to him.

i really want tom to type how the people at the main gate wouldn't let him through because he didn't have the "pass code" and how he paced back and forth in front of the door that you need a key to get into - knowing full well that people were watching him, and probably laughing at him.. waiting for my dad to take mercy on him and let him in. i want tom to write about how my dad took him into an empty conference room and suggested they both take a seat. cute cute cute. i love details, but that is basically what i know of what happened when i was oblivious to what was happening while i was at work.

so i got home around 6:10 and decided to shower since tom was taking so long to get to my house. honestly, i was a little frustrated that he had decided to use his free day doing nothing, and now that i was free and we could finally hang out and play he was doing errands. i was slightly bothered, but practiced patience and didn't let it bother me too much. tom FINALLY got to my house and we hugged and i noticed right off that something wasn't normal. tom was acting very ... stand-off-ish. normally when he's at my house, or i'm at his we hang out together, sit together, walk around together - you know, like.. be together!! haha... but tonight i was in the kitchen with him, and he'd walk to the parlour. i'd ask where he was going and he wouldn't say anything. so i went in the parlour to be with him and he was playing with my ipod finding romatical songs that we love. he found our favorite and we started dancing. i didn't think this was too odd cause we do that kinda often. the song ended, we hugged and kissed, and then he walked out into the kitchen again. i thought that was weird. and so i went into the kitchen to be with him and he walked to the office. i let him have his space cause i really didn't know what to think. i called down the hall asking him if he was okay and he didn't answer so i walked down the hall to the office, asked what he was doing, and he was just sitting in the computer chair. not doing anything. i knew something was wrong, i just didn't know what!!

so this continued on for about 45 minutes and i was going ca-razy! i suggested we start making dinner - chicken alfredo. it was delish by the way. he and i are in the kitchen and again he walks to the parlour. alone. arr! i was getting so confused wondering why he kept wanting to be alone!!! poor guy was just so stressin out!! hahahaha. the phone rang and it was my sister kelly. i talked to her until call-waiting beeped and it was my sister jenn. i talked to her for a bit and decided to go into the parlour to be with tom. he was sitting in the rocking chair by the window and i sat down on the love seat. i invited him to come sit by me and i would scratch his back - something that he loves! i finally got off the phone with jenn and i asked tom what was wrong because his face was hot, red, and sweaty. he just told me that he had a lot on his mind and he had a headache. i suggested we go in the kitchen and check on dinner and he thought that was a good idea. we stood up, were holding hands, and i started walking out.. but he didn't. so i turned around to see why he wasn't walking with me, and he looked at me, got down on one knee, pulled the ring out of his pocket, and very simply and perfectly asked, "Brittany, will you marry me?"

As soon as he got down on one knee my hands went to my mouth and he said he heard me mumble, "oh my world. oh my world." i really couldn't think or believe that it was happening so naturally, as if it was something that we do all the time! just walking out of the parlour, holding hands, nothing different than any other day or night we do that.. and BAM! down on one knee! busting out a sparkly lovely thing, and popping the question. I just hugged him to me. Since he was on his knee, his head was against my tummy and he pulled away and looked up and said, "Britt. You didn't answer me!" I just looked down at him and said "Of course I'll marry you!!!!" So he got up, moved my CTR ring from my left hand to my right, and slid on the sparkly lovely onto my ring finger. it fit perfect-ly. it is absolutely dreamy and elegant and perfect and perfect!! we hugged, kissed (only once... ha! ;)) and hugged a lot more. I couldn't help but scream out a little "EEEEEEEEE!!!!!" and he laughed. He picked me up, twirled me, and we hugged again. It was happy lovely.

I am happier than I have ever been. I am more in love than I ever thought possible. I love him more and more everyday than I thought I could the day before. I really never thought love like this existed. The kind that makes you smile to yourself when you think about him. The kind that makes you giddy when you know you get to see them soon. I feel like me, but so much better. I am happier and more patient. I am excited and ready to take on the happy days and the challenging ones. I no longer watch movies or read books with a sense of longing for what they portray of love there. I've got my own story now, and it's better than Hollywood could pay people to do.

Yay for January 8, 2010!!!

playin catch up.

So this blog post is a catch up from my week of PTO. On July 22 Tom and I headed up to the mountains. We went to Calavaras Big Trees, one of California's State Parks that will be closing - or so I heard. It's definately something you need to go and see at least once in your lifetime. This day was only a small baby one in comparison to the massively long ones we had when going to San Francisco and Monterey/Santa Cruz. It's a really neat thing to see - such massive tree's that grow from such a small seed!!

Tom and I woke up that mornin and headed up there. We stopped at Subway in Arnold and shared a 5 dollar footlong sandwich. It was pretty tastey!! We then headed out on the trail to get up close and personal with those humungus trees. This is a picture of one of us with a little Redwood Tree. And by little I mean not little.

Here's just another picture of us in front of a huge tree that they cut down. Actually the stump of this particualar tree it was used as a dance floor back in the day. There are about 10 steps you have to walk up to get on it, and it's about 24 feet in diameter. I read on a website that by counting the rings in the trees they determined that the age of the tree was 1244 years old when it was chopped down. CRAZY! That's a pretty dang old tree!! This pic is of a bit of the trunk that is still there on display. Tender. haha.

After Calavaras big trees we drove to my house, hung out for a little bit, and then drove to Tom's where I spent the night because the next mornin we (his mama, papa, tom, and i) drove to Utah for Tom's brother's wedding!! We left on Thursday early early in the morning. I think we got on the road right at 5 am. I wasn't awake for long, hense the reason I'm not certain of the time. On the way there Tom and I slept, talked, laughed, slept, watched 24 on his laptop, talked, laughed, slept, ate, talked, slept, and talked some more. We were laughin lots and we decided and discovered a total truth. We love each other more than anyone has ever loved anyone else in the entire world - EVER. It's true.. so all you readers, if you think you love the person you're with a lot... Tom and I have got you beat. hahaha - okay, maybe not true to any of you, but to Tom and I it's totally true. haha
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So we got to Utah, I met Tom's brother Timothy, and we all got together as family ---eee!! I can say I'm part of the family! Cause I am! ..well, almost!!--- and we ate subway for dinner. It was so delish cause we were STARVIN MARVINS!! We then went back to Timothy's apartment and started the last minute plannin/details of the weddin!! Tom and I got to have a "afternoon out on the town" and we went to Taco Bell for a much needed break away from crowds. haha.. funny story about that Taco Bell that I won't write on here. But Tom sure takes care of me, and he endeared himself to me FOREVER because of his thoughtfulness, and the unawkwardness of the situation. Thank you Tom.

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The wedding day was beautiful and hot. Clear clear blue skies, but hot hot sun. Note to self: no summer weddings. Boo!! I hate hot. I get ornery in the hot. Really really ornery... and in a bad mood mostly. It was so good to be there for Timothy and Shanna's big day!! Yay for weddings for in love people!

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I was struck again by the beauty of the Salt Lake Temple. That was the first time I was there and actually had time to walk slowly around and pay attention to the detail. While Tom and the rest of the family were inside the temple for the wedding I walked around with Tom's niece and nephew and got to play on the grass and run around and get some wiggles out. Despite from being outside and playing around - quietly of course - my thoughts were with Tom inside the temple. I can't wait for our chance to promise to love each other forever and to have our love sealed for time and for eternity. That night we got to go out - just the two of us - and talk about our dreams and plans for the future. We went to the mall and window shopped. It was a lot of fun. We walked into some sparkley stores that made me smile really big - and made Tom a little nervous.. eeeeee. hahaha... good times. exciting times.

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The next day the four of us treked on homeward. Again Tom and I slept and talked and laughed and slept and talked. Tom is truly my bestest buddy. Love his face! We also watched 24, saving the last two episodes of season one for when we were home at my house. I hate that I love that 24 show. It makes unneccessary addicts out of totally uneffected humans like me. And I love Jack Bauer. And I hate Nina Myers. and I love Senator Palmer, but I hate his wife. and Mean people are so mean!!

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I loved this trip to Utah with Tom and his family. It showed me again and again how much I love Tom and many reasons why I never want to live without him. He's so kind and gentle and thoughtful. The trip was a blast. I loved it, loved the company, and love Tom!

i miss him already

if you don't want mushy, stop reading this post now, cause this blog tonight is all about that boy i call tom. tonight is the first night where he is officially living in fresno. it's a sad night indeed. normally on sunday nights we eat dinner, dessert, play games, watch a couple of recorded ti-vo shows, lay on the trampoline and star gaze, tell stories about the past, talk about what's going on now, and our dreams of the future. normally we will hang out with cortney and jacen, my family, or my grandparents and laugh and play games.

so that boy i know has officially moved to fresno. i'm having a harder time of it than i thought i would. i am comforted by the knowledge that he is only about an hour and a half away.. however, it makes me so sad to know that because of the awkward distance, i can't just go visit him for a couple of hours on my day off. it's a little bit too far away for that. as i was gearing up for him leaving i started to really think about things that i admire about tom; trying to take advantage of him while he was here and not having the common "wish i would have realized sooner" kind of regrets. here are some things about tom that i can tell ya right now that i'm going to miss.

i'm going to miss just being with him. simple, everyday errands that we run, our long chit chats, or chat chits as we call them.. :) i am going to miss running up to him when we finally get together and feeling his arms wrap around me as we hug. i am going to miss the safe and secure feeling i get when i know he's there. i feel so comfortable and happy with tom. i'm really going to miss his little face.



i am also going to miss tom's "man"ness. tom and i have talked about the gun laws, politics, gender issues, sports, religion, family, and countless other topics. i have commented to him multiple times how "manly" is opinions are. he makes me laugh so hard at some of his views; and some of them are pretty strong! i love that he really cares about things going on in our world. i love that he isn't a wimp about his ideals. i love that he is taller than me with my tallest high heels, i love that his arm muscles slighty flex unconsciously when i touch them. i love watching him with his determined look on his face. he's got a plan, and he's going for it. i love playing sports with him - soccer and bowling are the only one's so far, but many more to come i'm sure. i love that he wanted to pick me up and twirl me around in his arms but waited til i felt more comfortable.

this picture is of when tom and his brother in law aaron came out to the ranch to help us get rid of some squirrels. now he may not ever be an "annie oakley" but as i understand it, he had 6 shots and a death toll of 5. way to go babe! haha. i feel a tad bit redneck by saying that, but i'm proud!!

i am going to miss his kisses. simple sentence, lots to feeling to it. tom sets my heart in motion when he kisses me. my cheek, hand, nose, or lips - doesn't matter. my heart goes racing and it makes me realize why our faces have lips. to kiss. enough said.. i'm going to miss those kisses.

tom is so goofy. i am going to miss his random happy quirkiness. he makes me laugh harder than anyone in the whole world. he has such a crazy imagination and it always makes for interesting moments. we could be playing cards, walking around, driving around, sitting around, whatever.. and suddenly he'll just pop off with some goofy comment. and sometimes he speaks in a scary man voice to top it off. its just so funny. now here are just a few of some silly little things that we say back and forth that i will miss...

~how embarrassing.

~okay! have a nice life!!

~ (the famous) wah wah!

~ ow my entire life!!

~ Get in the dirt!!!

~bits of glass muffin.. mf mf owww!

~ jack bauer from 24 moments

like i said at the beginning, i'm so glad fresno is only two hours away, but i'm sad it's so far away. so lame!! adding up all of these things and more that i'm not mentioning i guess its easiest to combine everything into a couple ending sentences. i am going to miss my partner in crime, my star gazing pal, my secrets saver, the one i feel the safest with, my adventure-going buddy and my dream maker. i'm going to miss my best friend, that boy i call tom.

the perfect day

our kiss at sunset

we made it to the lighthouse

what? this is totally normal!

on the rock mountain in the middle of the ocean. really... the very middle of it.

trying on nice sunglasses at Monterey Fisherman's Wharf

Look out point on top of the restaurant

Tuesday of my week of PTO Tom and I decided to go to Monterey and Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Like Monday, this day was a fun filled adventure. Tom and I left early in the morning, and started off our day in Monterey. It was gorgeous. I love cold chilly weather. I love blustery winds and clouds. I think it's the most romantic kind of weather. Tom and I started out our day at Fisherman's Wharf. It was fun. We walked up and down the wharf, through shops and stopped to eat at a fancy little lunch place. Tom and I both had the clam chowder. He really enjoyed his and I had a hard time keeping my mind off of the clams... don't really know why!! Normally I love clam chowder, but this bowl was hard to swallow.
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Tom and I went to look out point at the top of one of the restaurants at the end of the wharf. We watched the seagulls and the boats sailing in the bay. It was a little breezy but I loved it. I loved standing next to Tom and feeling so safe and secure. I love our little chats we have about "what ifs" and "one day this or that" I love that I can talk to Tom about anything and everything on my mind or in my dreams or worries. Tom is so patient and understanding. I truly never thought there was someone who I would get along so perfectly with. I have already learned so much from him and his example. He is so great.
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We left Fisherman's Wharf to go to the tide pools. This was such a funny funny part of our day. We parked across the street from this part along the beach where there are tall rock islands.. we climbed these rocks and sat at watched the ocean crash against the rocks time and time again. As we were sitting there watching the power of the waves we just started coming up with the craziest of scenario. "Tom, what would you do if all the sudden a whale got tossed in between the rocks with the next waves, got stuck and couldn't get out??" and instead of coming up with a creative come back or detailed explanation of what he would do in that circumstance, he made this amazingly accurate.. or what I can only imagine as being accurate - sound of a whale getting tossed into and plugging up the rocky rocks . It was a "thoomp" sound that made us laugh for a couple minutes - and by a couple minutes I mean a good ten minutes or so. As the day went on randomly he would again make the "thoomp" sound and we would again be having fits of giggles. Tom can make me laugh harder and longer than I think anyone. It always makes for a good time.
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We decided to head back to his car and I seem to have developed a magnet for little accidents that don't hurt very bad but seem to cause a bit of damage!! As we were crossing from one rock island mountain to another I stepped on a little slippery part of the rock. As my foot slid forward on the wet rock, my shin came in contact with the rock mountain very abruptly. It hurt. I have a bruise that is large in stature on my right shin. It's kinda not pretty. It truly doesn't hurt that bad, but it sure looks lovely. Too bad I can't join an ugly bruise contest. I might when 4th place! Tom and I walked back to his car and we just kept laughing and laughing. I wish I could remember details of what we were talking and laughing about. I would like to type it out to always remember our silly little conversations ... I can just remember my stomach cramping from laughing so hard. The kind of laughs where you feel like you just can't help but let out a booming laugh over and over.

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After we left the tide-pool area we headed over to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. This is such a fun place. I'm not much for the "carnival" type feel, but this place is just pure fun. We didn't ride a single ride.. we walked along the boardwalk, watched people play silly money eating games, walked in and out of shops, took a couple of goofy pictures, walked to the Wharf, watched the seals - even got to touch one cause it was laying so close to the fence. Tom and I heard this boy talking about how you could walk down the stairs on one side of the wharf down to water level - they have a fence put up, but you can see tons of seals. It was so funny to watch them interact with eachother. I decided that in no way would I want to be in the ocean swimming with these "little" guys, and in no way, if given the opprotunity, would I ever choose to be a seal. Gross. I would really hate it.

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Tom and I really wanted to pick out matching sweaters to have and remember our time.. we walked in and out of about 15 shops before we came across the cutest and comfiest sweaters. I love them and I'm excited to wear them when the weather is cooler. To wear it now would be sort of dumb. Tom and I walked back across the boardwalk, and across the beach. By this time it was about 6 o'clock. The beach was basically deserted and we just held hands and walked barefoot along the waters edge. It felt like something you see in the movies. We started to talk about our futures and about them being together. It caught me off guard to feel so comfortable talking to Tom about this.

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We walked to the lighthouse a little distance away and sat on the "ocean made" boulders set up against the .. lighthouse ground? I don't know what you call that. Okay story: Tom and I were climbing up some rocks to the lighthouse, and along the walkway where the lighthouse is, are some massive sement "jacks" shaped rocks. And by massive I mean massive. They are put there to break up the waves as they come crashing against the lighthouse to protect it and the land it sits on. As we were walking past them I asked Tom if the rocks were "Ocean made". Tom just looked at me and without missing a beat said "Oh yeah! They have this neat little factory out there (pointing out into the far away water) that spits them out for us." What a sassy!! I obviously knew the ocean didn't make them, but I guess it's my fault for not posing the question right. It was pretty funny and we laughed for a while over that.

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Tom and I sat down on one of the "ocean made" sement protector rock things and started taking pictures of the sunset. It was so magical and romantic sitting next to someone that I love, holding hands, watching the sunset, a slight breeze, seagulls flying around, ocean waves crashing every couple of minutes... it was better than the movies - that's all I can say. Hollywood's got nothing on us. We again talked about our futures, and as the ocean swallowed the sun into nighttime Tom kissed me and -oh.my.heart.- I love that boy more than I ever thought possible to love someone.

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We walked slowly back to his car, hugged, and went on our merry little way. What a fun two days our week started out on.